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Nervous System Repair to have in your Back Pocket

It’s human to have moments when we say or do things that we don’t mean.

When we slip out of our conscious awareness and run old patterns of shame, blame and judgement.

We all make mistakes, this is a part of life and human interaction. However, just like The Art of Kintsugi, which is a Japanesse method of repairing cracked ceramic with gold. We too can repair the cracks and create deeper and more meaningful connection with our loved ones (or anyone in our life).

It’s so important to remember that everything is repairable, so no matter what happened, we have an opportunity to repair it.

This simple practice is meant to be done as a quick nervous system repair for any minor ruptures that happen between two people. These two people can be lovers, partners, co-workers, parent/child, community members, etc.

Here I will focus on a man & woman partnership for ease of understanding the structure.

If both parties can show up open and available for this practice, it has the possibility to build new neural pathways of deep intimacy, or closing the gap between you.

Before you begin, both ask yourself,

“can I set aside my judgements and ideals around being ‘right’ for this practice.”

We are here to practice empathy, which is a muscle that builds the more it’s worked. So really invite yourself to feel inside their partners body.

This practice is a gift to both of your nervous systems and can lead to an intoxicating gold-filled container between you.

Here’s the structure:

Part 1

Set a timer for 5 minutes.

Start with the one that is most open, or the one who led the rupture (aka made the mistake).

Spend this time sharing all the ways the other is right.

Yes, overdo it.

Give details of the impact of the unconscious behavior as well as how it may have rippled out to affect their life and the other people they love and roles they hold.

When the timer goes off, ask, “Did I miss anything?”

Give the other a chance to share and be heard.

Part 2

Set a timer for 5 minutes

Now the opposite person shares where the other is right.

Really try to put yourself in their body and understand where they slipped out of consciousness.

Be honest without getting pokey or condescending.

How may have their actions impacted them?

When the timer goes off, ask, “Did I miss anything?”

Allow the other to share and be heard.

Part 3

Each gives the other 3 pieces of praise.

How are they trying?

How are they showing up?

Be honest and authentic. Here is an invitation to bid for connection and lean back in.

Let it all settle in your systems, noticing how you feel.

Give any space that is needed and make a commitment to not continue to go back around the same topic once the repair is complete. If one person continues to get stuck or bring it up, it is now their work to do, solo. I know, that’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s true.

If you need support to increase intimacy, depth, communicating your needs and increasing that spark within your coupleship, apply for my couples counseling container.